The problem with having squirrels in the attic:
- THERE ARE SQUIRRELS IN THE ATTIC!
- Unlike my Uncle Stanley, z”l, I don’t have a shotgun to kill the squirrels in the attic.
- Even if I had a shotgun, it would probably be illegal to kill the squirrels in the attic.
- And I wouldn’t want to accidentally hit my neighbor’s house
- And I’m not fond of killing. Even squirrels.
- My fierce, favorite Midwestern-born putting-the-fear-of-God-into-squirrels niece, Rachel, lives – in the Midwest.
- I don’t have a dog anymore to bark at the squirrels in the attic.
- My kids’ dog Gus would probably try to make friends with the squirrels in the attic.
- And if I pulled down the stairs to the attic, the squirrels would probably take it as an invitation to join me outside of the attic.
- I never had squirrels in the attic when Bob was alive.
- (I don’t actually believe there is a causal relationship between living alone and having squirrels in the attic.)
- Why don’t the squirrels understand they should go live in a sukkah?
- Which I am not putting up because, among other things, I don’t want to deal with squirrels in a sukkah.