Squirrels

The problem with having squirrels in the attic:

  •  THERE ARE SQUIRRELS IN THE ATTIC!
  • Unlike my Uncle Stanley, z”l, I don’t have a shotgun to kill the squirrels in the attic.
    • Even if I had a shotgun, it would probably be illegal to kill the squirrels in the attic.
    • And I wouldn’t want to accidentally hit my neighbor’s house
    • And I’m not fond of killing. Even squirrels.
  • My fierce, favorite Midwestern-born putting-the-fear-of-God-into-squirrels niece, Rachel, lives – in the Midwest.
  • I don’t have a dog anymore to bark at the squirrels in the attic.
    • My kids’ dog Gus would probably try to make friends with the squirrels in the attic.
    • And if I pulled down the stairs to the attic, the squirrels would probably take it as an invitation to join me outside of the attic.
  • I never had squirrels in the attic when Bob was alive.
    • (I don’t actually believe there is a causal relationship between living alone and having squirrels in the attic.)
  • Why don’t the squirrels understand they should go live in a sukkah?
    • Which I am not putting up because, among other things, I don’t want to deal with squirrels in a sukkah.
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About wallcough

Trying to find beauty and joy in the world around me . I am many things, among them a quilter, a knitter, and an incessant reader. There is not enough time for them all, so I jump in between them as the mood hits me. Professionally - a rabbi; a hospice chaplain.
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